"...and so I'll forget about you tonight. I promise. But I'll fall in love with you all over again tomorrow. And every single day."

Stoic; Poignant Yet Strong

A friend asked me today..

"Why do you look so down these few days?"

Well, obviously she knows why, and she was just asking out of concern. I appreciate that.

"I don't know why also."

In all honesty I did not have an answer right there and then. I mean, perhaps I do know what's the reason, but I just didn't know what triggered the moody feelings in particular.

I forced a smile.

And somehow, seeing how Japan is suffering right now, I don't really see the need to smile, that much anyway. Stuff like that affects the whole world in one way or another, and you see people you don't know suffering, trying their best to rebuild and resume their lives again, trying their best to be strong. Inevitably, you would feel a lot for them and a heavy sense of benevolence, 'cause it's just so sad.

How can we then, as observers, laugh, be happy and don't give a damn about anything?

When can we ever be okay again?

Dear Japan

picture courtesy of the age.

Hang in there. When times are tough, don't ever give up.

Soon, all will tide over and you'll grow up,

you'll grow up strong.

The whole world's praying for you.

She's Got You High

A song from (500) Days Of Summer. Very catchy, I like it.

Happy Birthday Bro!

Simi "boy boy"?!

Anyway damn I'm next amongst the 5 of us. Getting old.

Under Maintenance

My understudy from the army texted me on fb chat last night, telling me that he's started applying for his further studies in Australia. Future doctor there, haha.

And today, I texted my Chief Clerk this...

"hello ma'am! this is Andy, my australian number. just saying hi :) anyway sch has just started for Clarence and I and we're doing fine. hope you're good too. take care of yourself, and don't always be angry with the guys. haha."

Don't know what made me think of texting her but you know, things like that, if you could make someone's day and make them smile, why not?

All it takes is a simple text.

---------------------------------

On a separate issue, Marc came over and we cooked bak kut teh for dinner because the pork ribs are left in the fridge for quite a few days now. And we had fried fish with eggs and steak as well.

Not too bad cooking for the first time, as a group that is. Usually I would just cook my own share as Clarence is still eating out most of the time.

Life somehow feels adversely different this semester.

It's A Small World After All

Just last night I met Charlotte, one of Clarence's friends from his secondary school, whom so coincidentally happens to be my ex-girlfriend's long lost cousin. Talk about a small world huh. And Charlotte texted me today when she realised, saying that thanks to me she's found her cousin after so long. Nice.

Somehow, I still do believe that people meet for a reason. Well, for some reason or another anyway. Whoever knew that this random guy would downgrade his PES status in the army, get transferred from the training section of the unit to my office, and be colleagues with me for a good 10 months or so. I'm talking about Clarence of course. And speaking of coincidence again, we realised that we'll be studying in the same university overseas and supposedly taking the same degree. Before he fell ill and couldn't make the trip last semester, that is. And now he's my roommate. Nonetheless, that's what it is.

C'est la vie. Such is life. Sometimes people come into your life, and they stay in it forever. Some people come, and they may not stay. But you know that they have made a difference and an impact in your life so much so that you hope that they would stay, even for just a bit longer. Just so, you know, you could show that you care and you would never wanna leave, no matter what happens or regardless of whether they think the same way. At least you've made your point across.

You can throw away an inanimate object when it gets useless, buy a new one, get it replaced. But humans, we're not inanimate objects. Each one of us are unique and special in our own little ways, and that's what makes every individual amazing, isn't it?

As cliché as it may sound, life is short. Live it up, and tell people that you appreciate them, before it gets too late.

Bernard

So I met this new security guard at my place when I arrived on Friday. His name is Bernard (pronounced Bur-nard) and I think that he deserves a mention.

On Friday night, there was a huge party at the courtyard. Some end-of-0rientation thing. And when I walked back from 7-11 and entered my building, I was stopped by Bernard. Just so unfortunately, I was holding on to a temp card key as they changed all the keys after one semester and I've yet to receive mine. So there he was, suspecting that the temp card key was not genuine. Thereafter, he proceeded to look through the list of residents. Again, my face and name were not updated in the list yet. So I was explaining to him that I've just moved in and everything has not been settled yet. After some comtemplation he said, "Okay, you seem to be speaking the truth. I trust you. You're a good man." Boy, was I glad. Didn't want to go through all the trouble on my first day here just to get into my room.

Subsequently, I met him again last night standing right at the entrance of the building. And we initiated a conversation. I commented that he's very on his job and that previous security guards aren't like him. They slack off in some random corner after a while, not to mention even appearing at 4am in the morning. Bernard then said that this is his job, and he wants to keep people safe. In any case, residents should feel safe when he's around because he will make sure that no strangers or troublemakers hang around in the premises. He cannot tolerate that. And then we went on to talk about life in general. He said stuff like how we must always know our weaknesses but show our strength. In life, we didn't sign a contract to say that okay, I'm gonna be Bernard or I'm gonna be Andy. We're given this life we have and it's up to us to make the best of it. Wheelchair-bound people and the unfortunate didn't choose their lives as well. Therefore, he felt that he would always want to help people and keep them safe. And I gave him a few words of appreciation and he replied saying that as long as people do appreciate him doing his job he's very happy, that is also what keeps him going.

Midway through the conversation, I felt that he's very genuine and noble. A very different feeling I get from the initial 'big burly fierce' security guard impression. And I was thankful that we had this conversation, because things like that make you learn.

"When a door closes on you, a new one opens. Life has many opportunities and so much in store. I can tell that you're a good man. I'm a guard, I can read people fairly well. Maybe you won't get what you want now but it takes time and in future people will realise the good you have in you, and things will come back to you. But maybe by then you would have found something else even better for yourself. Always come out stronger than what you were before. And be true to yourself."

Dear Diary,

Today, I made friends with a security guard.

So Far Gone

Blogging from my phone while waiting for Junwei and Marcus.
It's 2 more days till I step into that departure gate and board the plane back to Melbourne.

I guess I really do appreciate the time spent with family and friends during my return. But somehow, I'm feeling the need to go back, to study and you know, 'resume my life'. Would wanna be busy, occupy my schedule and not waste my time away.

Not surprisingly, one might have two different personalities in two different places. I'm saying might. The question is, when can you really be yourself? And even so, sometimes there are factors which don't allow you to be yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not facing an identity crisis, I do what I want, so long as it doesn't have any adverse effects on my life and the people around me. And this is me.

It's never easy being a nomad.

just so you know you did not give me the wrong idea,

i knew it all along.

Dolce.

Back from Italy.

And 16 days to Melbourne.

Once again, just when I've gotten comfortable to life back in Singapore again, I'm leaving once more. It probably feels a tad different from leaving Melbourne a couple of months back, but the general feeling is the same.

And things will always change no matter where we are. At the same time, it will always remain the same.

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."

- Nicole Krauss (The History Of Love)

Ocean Bay Resort, Bintan

I'm back from Bintan. Would have preferred to stay a day longer but it was difficult to accomodate to everybody's schedules. Hmm come to think of it, it's only Junwei's work schedule. Ahh well.

The kelong and fishing pond area.

The little pussy that appeared out of nowhere and stayed around to watch us fish.

Our catch.

This time round we skipped the kayaking, beach volleyball, pool and massage and just concentrated on fishing. Caught many more fishes compared to the previous time and we couldn't finish eating everything in the end. Think I caught about 6-8 fishes.

And.. we spent a lot of time playing monopoly deal. Imagine playing till 5am in the morning because we decided to play 'first to 3 games' at like 3am before we slept. So until the end everybody was damn shagged with the exception of Marcus who slept first; Alvin was angsty, Junwei was yawning and tearing, I started talking shit and Zixuan was just complementing me talking/singing shit too.

Learned Mahjong as well. :)

Food was great. Every meal was seafood and there were like 5 or 6 dishes of mostly fish, crab, calamari, etc. Not forgetting the fishes that we caught which they cooked for us.

Slept for about 5 hours. And I think I dreamt of someone again, which made me even more tired. Hmm.

Overall I guess it's not too bad a trip. Just chill and you know.. forget the world for a while. (not that it could possibly happen but well, it's some form of relaxation.) Guess the company is always essential. The 5 of us will surely have fun no matter where we go or what we do. And we're thinking of going back again already. Don't think I'd have much time for that though, sadly.

Perhaps when you're far away, only then would you realise that you're a little more vulnerable than what you normally are. In a certain aspect, that is.

Patience Not = Result

Hooked on prawning lately (haha pun). Went slightly earlier last night because there's a prawning challenge every Tuesday and Thursday from 7pm-12am. Essentially, if you catch a prawn that's red-taped at its tail for example, you're entitled to a 15 dollars voucher, which is a one hour extension. And the top prize is a black-taped prawn or 30 dollars voucher/3 hrs extension.

Then again, there're only 3 black-taped prawns in the 3 ponds, so chances are quite slim. But guess what, I actually caught one! Didn't realise it until Alvin exclaimed quite excitedly, 'cause I was stoning and when there was a bite I was just like..yay ok, caught another one. Oh well, lucky prawning night. And Marc caught about 4 prawns with his bare hands. Next time, I'm not renting the rod.

The Bintan trip is going as planned, thank goodness. I'm leaving tomorrow morning and coming back on Friday night. Just a short kelong stay and I'm sure it will be fun, especially with the bros. Choosing to put aside some issues, go for the trip and just..chill. Some things can come later I guess.

Going back to NYP next Tuesday to give a talk to the juniors with regards to studying in Australia. I think I'm gonna tell them that Australia is all about play and no work. Have all the fun they want and well, if they've got time to spare, study.

People, they're from the outside looking in. And they don't actually live the story itself. Essentially, what they think is true might not be after all. They think that it is A, but I beg to differ and think that it is B instead.

MBS

And so I was spoilt by my aunt with a night's stay at Marina Bay Sands.

Much thanks to her and my parents.

Also, this is going out to the wonderful company who made it all happen.

Char, who accompanied me for the whole day despite not being able to swim. Nonetheless, it was fun walking around and all. Appreciate it. :)

Zixuan & Jessica, Junwei & Xiao Ling, Marcus & Peiting, Alvin, for one helluva crazy night.

Pictures to show...

Didn't take a picture of the infinity pool but it's certainly a nice and relaxing place to chill. Minus the crowd, that is.

Met Marcus for the first time last night since he returned from Sweden. And he bought me a Man Utd scarf during his trip to Old Trafford. Thanks bro!

Ipod speaker from Uncle Tim, which was supposedly for me to use during my stay at MBS but I didn't receive it in time.

Prawning again tomorrow night! And hopefully, Marc's passport issue can be settled by tomorrow as well.

When The Clock Strikes 12

Well, it's just another day isn't it?

Granted, it's a brand new start, a whole new beginning. It is after all, a transition into a new year.

But in my opinion, perhaps countdown parties are overrated. Unless of course you have a really good reason to celebrate. Do you?

In retrospect, have you achieved everything that you've set yourself to do at this very same time a year ago (i.e. new year's resolutions that nobody ever keeps to)? In all aspects of your life, are they even near complete? Or maybe it's not necessarily that you must achieve something to celebrate, is there something which happened this year that made you really happy? I see people celebrating for the sake of celebrating, just because everybody celebrates in unison during festive periods, it kinda defeats the purpose of it all. On the contrary, if you have good reasons to celebrate, by all means go ahead. Just know what you're celebrating.

Don't get me wrong, I love to share good times with close friends too, but not with crowds.

People will always come and go in your life. That's what they always say anyway. To me, there are 4 types of people.

1) those who should and will always be around your entire life.

2) those who would just make an appearance and leave.

3) those who shouldn't even appear.

4) those who appear for a reason.

And I know very clearly who belongs where for the people who have appeared in my life.

2010..well, what can I say?

It's definitely better than 2009 of course, which was a pretty bad year for me. Then again, I felt that life only truly started for me in June 2010. After you leave the army, only then would you realise and reflect on what the hell have you been doing (or not doing) for the past 2 years. Being in that regimental lifestyle, you're completely devoid of life. No matter how positive thinking you may be, that's the way it is when you're in that environment. And suddenly the world opens up after you ORD.

Then came Melbourne, a big transition in my life as well. And the world opens up even more. It's an ongoing experience and so far it's been good. Getting pretty much used to life there and you meet people whom you know you'd cherish for a long time.

Nobody knows what 2011 will hold in store. But sometimes you have just got to make the most out of the moments that come. That is probably something I'll have to learn as well.

And when the clock strikes 12 tonight, you'll be a second to none.

Almost 11

Finally met up with Zixuan today after like what, almost a month since I've been back. The dude was busy with exams and all and as always when exams come he'll hermit himself. So, I haven't had a chance to meet up with him until today. Well, considering the fact that Alvin, Junwei and I have been meeting up so often.

And we were just randomly talking about recent happenings in our lives and I commented that it is actually very easy to read me, or the things I do. To that he said, "That's because we know you what."

Haha, nice one there bro. Makes me feel that the brotherhood bond that the 5 of us share is really something irreplaceable. Can't wait for Marcus to be back from Sweden before we go for our short trip on 13th Jan tentatively.

I am feeling very fidgety tonight, probably more than just a tad restless. No particular reason for it but I think I might just know why.

0 Miles From Home

Just a note that I'm back, since last tuesday in fact.

Have been going out almost every day (and night) that I think I'm getting exhausted and falling sick. Then again I can always attribute it to the climate here, haha.

Took a day's rest today and I suppose I haven't slept so much in a very long time. Feels good in a sense, especially when you're not feeling well. Medication made me drowsy too, although I'm pretty sure it's non-drowsy medication that I took. Oh, and it's interesting how in that drowsy state of mind I can subconsciously control my dreams, considering how I'm one who doesn't remember dreams. So yea, I was actually manipulating my dreams to a certain extent this afternoon. Hard to explain so I'll just leave it as that.

It's funny how my friends and I miss Melbourne when we're back.

It's like our second home already.

And So It Is...

Have you ever heard of the hypothetical theory of the parallel universe?

It is in fact effected by the frequently asked question in life, "What if...?"

"What if we had made a different decision then?"

"What if we had taken a different route?"

What if, what if, what if...

How would our lives be different?

The question is, are there replicas of ourselves right now at this very moment living in parallel universes, due to the different decisions we might have made and the different routes we might have taken?

A friend once told me, there are a near 7 billion people in the world. How 2 people can meet, be friends, fall in love, share a life together, that in itself is quite amazing and magical altogether. Don't you think so?

Perhaps I do.

At the crossroads of our lives, we're only eligible to take one path and never look back. But often we do and we regret our decisions. I'd say don't. Pointless, really. It's not like you can change anything anyway. You've got to believe in this path that you've chosen for yourself and keep fighting for the things you want.

I've come across many crossroads in my life thus far, the latest being the choice of studying locally at NTU or overseas at UniMelb. Having made my choice, I believe that everything happens for a reason. And the people you meet at different points in your life are meant to be there for a reason, to shape your life to a certain extent.

In retrospect, I've made friends whom I'd cherish all my life. Friends who really mean a lot to me. They're like stars in my night sky of life, including my family as well of course. And maybe once in a while, just maybe, you'll chance upon a glowing star.

Embrace the moment,

even if it's just for a moment.